Snark and Pie

Waking Up

I woke up this morning to the quiet of the house. The fans were the only thing I could hear. It’s finally in the mid 60’s this morning. I’m almost cold and I can feel Fall trying to eek its way into this damn state.

I’ve been feeling mentally stuck the past few days. It’s been a combination of working on a crazy busy schedule and now having some time get caught up. But I really don’t have that much time.

I’ve started turning on NPR on the clock radio before I fully wake. I’ll usually be half asleep to ease myself into the world of the moment. Today’s headlines were mainly the one year anniversary of Katrina and John Karr has been found not guilty in the Jon Benet case, but he’s still a sick bastard.

I slowly wake up, get dressed and wander into the family room where the Today show is on. Laura Bush is talking about her foundation which is currently providing money for school libraries in the Katrina affected areas. Say what you will about her husband, but she’s good in my books.

I’m taken back to the world of libraries. It’s coming up on a year since I left the library world. I still feel like I’m still temporarily on vacation from that world. This job still feels like a new, uncertain world everyday. Actually, everything is still a new world. I was accused on Saturday by an old friend from college of “putting up a white picket fence and being busy living the American dream.” Yeah, so what about it? I love it.

“Love’s way of dealing with us is different from conscience’s way. Conscience commands; love inspires. What we do out of love, we do because we want to do it. Love is, indeed, one kind of desire; but it is a kind that takes us out of ourselves and carries us beyond ourselves, in contrast to the kind that is self-seeking—a kind that includes the desire for the “extinguishedness” of Nirvana. Love is freedom; conscience is constraint; yet, in two points, our relation to love is the same as our relation to conscience. We are free to reject love’s appeal, as we are free to reject conscience’s command; yet love, like conscience, cannot be rebuffed with impunity. Rebuffed, love will continue to importune us; and this for the reason for which a violated conscience does. Love’s authority, like conscience’s, is absolute. Like conscience, too, love needs no authentication or validation by any authority outside itself. Speculations about love’s credentials, or lack of credentials, cannot either enhance or diminish love’s absoluteness.”
A.J. (Arnold Joseph) Toynbee (1889–1975), British historian. Experiences, pt. 1, ch. 9, Oxford University Press (1969).

I went to a Boy Scout Court of Honor last night and watched these adolescent boys go up to accept merit badges in things like wood carving. Mile long swims, 50 miles hikes, pretty cool stuff. I’m not even sure if BSA is “cool” anymore but man they do some great stuff. I couldn’t help but think back to some of the scouts I knew back in high school. They were always good kids.

I don’t miss adolescence for one moment. As I was driving in to work, I saw some kids waiting for their bus. I remember waiting in Ms. Merrill’s driveway for the bus. I usually sat alone or with Matt Garrison. I wonder what happened to him. I used to dread getting to school especially in 6th grade. I had only lived in the country for a year so was still acclimating.

In 6th grade, gym was my first hour. I hated suiting up. Middle school gym teachers always have a way of making youth feel like small annoying animals. And the smell of school. Who can ever get that out of their heads?. Edison always smelled like a combination of gym floor, disinfectant, and grease. The only smell I really liked was the band/orchestra room. By the time the orchestra was done, it smelled like rosin dust and wood.

Thanks for taking that random meandering retrospective hour with me. I feel better.

posted by Diamala @ 10:45 AM